Paddy’s Pub, Daytime. The gang is gathered around the bar. Dennis is looking smug, Mac is intrigued, Charlie is confused, Dee is skeptical, and Frank is sitting with a laptop, typing furiously.
[Mac]: Alright, what’s this new thing you’re trying to show us, Dennis?
[Dennis]: [Smirking] It’s not just a “thing,” Mac. It’s Tor. The gateway to the dark web. A place where anything goes. Complete anonymity. It’s like the Internet’s wild west.
[Charlie]: [Excitedly] Wild west? Like, can I buy a horse or something? Oh man, I’ve always wanted a horse!
[Dennis]: [Rolling his eyes] No, Charlie, you can’t buy a horse. It’s more like… a place where people go to do things they don’t want tracked.
[Dee]: [Sarcastically] Oh great, like buy illegal stuff. Wonderful. Just what we need.
[Frank]: [Still typing] Yeah, like guns, drugs, fake IDs— [Pauses and looks up] You know, the good stuff.
[Mac]: Wait, hold up. How does this Tor thing even work? I’m not putting my info out there for hackers to grab.
[Dennis]: [Leaning in, patronizing] Ah, Mac. That’s the beauty of it. It’s anonymous. It uses layers of encryption. Your connection bounces around through a series of nodes all over the world, so no one can trace you back.
[Mac]: [Squinting] Bouncing? Like… like a ping-pong ball?
[Dennis]: [Sighing] Sure, Mac. Like a ping-pong ball. Each server or node in the Tor network is like a paddle, bouncing your connection around so no one knows where it started.
[Charlie]: [Thinking hard] Okay, so it’s like… we’re hiding in the sewers and we keep changing tunnels so nobody can follow us?
[Dennis]: [Surprised] Yeah, that’s… actually not a bad analogy, Charlie.
[Dee]: But isn’t this illegal? I don’t want to get involved in something that’s going to get us all thrown in jail.
[Frank]: [Waving it off] It’s not illegal to use Tor, Sweet Dee. It’s just a browser. It’s what you do with it that’s illegal.
[Mac]: [Concerned] But won’t the government be watching us? Like, they have a whole department for this stuff, right?
[Dennis]: [Smirking] Paranoid as always, Mac. Sure, the FBI and NSA monitor Tor traffic, but if you’re careful, they can’t pinpoint you. You use Tor to browse anonymously, but you can’t go around doing illegal stuff and expect to be safe.
[Charlie]: [Interrupting] So… no horses?
[Dennis]: [Annoyed] No, Charlie. No horses!
[Dee]: [Crossing her arms] I still don’t get why we’re even doing this. What’s the point?
[Dennis]: [Excitedly] The point, Dee, is freedom! Freedom from tracking, from surveillance, from—
[Frank]: [Interrupting] —from having to use your real name to buy stuff like a bazooka.
[Dee]: [Alarmed] What the hell, Frank!?
[Mac]: [Ignoring Dee] So you’re saying, we’re untraceable?
[Dennis]: [Nodding] That’s the idea. As long as you don’t do anything stupid like log into your Facebook account while using Tor.
[Charlie]: [Nervously] But… what if I forget? I forget stuff all the time. I might log into my Hotmail by accident.
[Dee]: You still use Hotmail?
[Charlie]: Yeah! And sometimes I send emails to myself to remember things. Like, “Charlie, don’t eat the paint,” or “Charlie, don’t trust the mailman.” Stuff like that.
[Dennis]: [Facepalming] Okay, Charlie, here’s the thing. You can’t do that on Tor. You need to separate your real identity from your Tor identity. Think of it as wearing a mask. You wouldn’t take your mask off in the middle of a robbery, right?
[Charlie]: [Nods vigorously] Oh, I get it now. So, it’s like, I’m Spider-Man, but I’m not telling anyone I’m Peter Parker.
[Dennis]: [Frustrated] Yes, exactly! Just… don’t do anything that would connect your Tor activities to your real identity. Got it?
[Charlie]: [Saluting] Got it, Spider-Dennis.
[Dee]: [Rolling her eyes] This is such a waste of time.
[Mac]: [Determined] No, Dee, I’m going to master this. I’m going to be a digital ninja!
[Frank]: [Snorts] You? You can’t even open a PDF, Mac.
[Dennis]: [Chuckling] Look, the point is, Tor is a tool. If you use it responsibly, it’s great for privacy. If you don’t, well… you’ll just get yourself into trouble.
[Charlie]: [Raising his hand] I have one more question.
[Dennis]: [Sighing] What is it, Charlie?
[Charlie]: Can I order a horse mask on Tor?
[Dennis]: [Groaning] Yes, Charlie, you can probably order a horse mask. Just… just be careful, okay?
[Charlie]: [Excitedly] Sweet!